slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
