Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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