I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
