I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
