Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
