I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
