i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
