America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
