his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
