Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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