This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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