Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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