There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize