i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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