I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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