Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.