but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.