I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
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You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
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I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!