why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.