you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
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The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.