I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
