I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
