if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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