I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
