just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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