this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I did not marry a roomba.
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