We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
