Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
