I wanna bring you to show and tell
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
