Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
