Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
