The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
