Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
