john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
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she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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