Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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