I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I want a musical about memes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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