how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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