We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
