her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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