whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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