you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
