I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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