I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
