Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
