and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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