4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
