i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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