The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
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finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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