Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
