if i can run in heels then i can drive
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
