Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
50% drunk capacity currently
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
