I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize