just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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