he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
