She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??