turn off your phone and go to bed
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work