whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
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Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.