The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
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Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
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She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much