Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night