Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
