I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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