Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
